I wish I had the money to wipe away all of the debts of my family and friends. Because if their debts were gone, would that make them happy? Would financial freedom allow them to treat themselves better, as well as improve their treatment of the people in their lives? No fancy behavior required, just respect, if not outright love and compassion.
Would it enable them to give the people in their lives a hug, on occasion, or at least a pat on the hand, and even sometimes to perform such actions without even being asked? Would it enable them to talk to each other and communicate in ways that work for all involved and not just one side? Perhaps conversations could take place without someone always having to be wrong so that someone can be right.
But I don’t have such funds to give and even if I did, I’m not sure that it would make a difference because in the end, I can control no one’s behavior except my own. Maybe I should wish for the money so that I can travel around the world, to where all these friends and family members live, those that are suffering and in some form of pain. Perhaps I could pass out those hugs or those pats on the hand, so that certain people know that they are loved and that their presence does make a difference to the people around them and always has, even if words of gratitude are not often shared.
Of late I have received so many calls and notes from friends and family, all suffering in some way, but mostly feeling alone though they are surrounded by others. I hear only their words, and know that there is always more than one side to any story. I can make no judgements about those others in their lives. I just wish that all were happy and each knew how precious each day was to have such people in their lives. I can listen to the words and I can read the notes but I cannot change behavior. But there is something I can do.
Each spring into summer, I buy seeds of all kinds, in packages large and small. I send them out into the world to family and friends, of all ages, to help people pause and maybe even share a precious moment with others as they plant the seeds in the soil. I send them to the closest of friends and family, and I send them to family and friends I know not very well at all. I send them to the people who cannot speak to each other in hopes they can plant a seed together even if they do so in silence. It is a selfish act — to know that I did something, gave something, to another. I do not know what the seeds do for the recipients or even if the seeds are planted. I simply hope they are. I hope they are.
*the photographs are the latest series of photographs taken through the rippled glass, of life blurried but still beautiful
Words + Images 
I wish for each of your seeds to fine fertile ground! A lovely post.
To adapt Didion’s title: the post of beautiful thinking.
You could pay off their debts but they are who they are. Kindness doesn’t disappear because you are in debt. It’s possible that the second their bills were paid they would simply run them up once again. I’ve known people who have done that time and time again. They have actually taken out loans to pay their debts and start buying immediately so that they now have the same bills with the addition of the loan. We can’t help other people. It seems as if we should be able to do that but we can’t. I have also seen people resent those who try to help, never even speak to them again. It’s not a game you an win. If people are in debt, they have to get out by themselves. At least that’s what I think. I’ve seen too many bad examples of people being helped and those helping. Not good outcomes. Not once.
Sending seeds is a wonderful idea. I may copy off of you and do that to a couple of people. It’s so sweet and beautiful.
Love you, Cynthia. Hope to see my pack of seeds soon. I’ll plant them with Dan, and, of course, Nico. ❤️
Cynthia, you are deep-hearted human being and your photos show how you are a poet even in images.
I love the abstraction of the photographs. It is a great idea to use rippled glass as a filter. I also love your little gift of seeds to the world. What a sweet idea to share seeds.