A new restaurant has opened not far from where I work. I paused in my journey this morning to peer at the menu from afar. Words rang out. “Hey, Nigger. This is where people walk.” Startled I turned toward the voice to see a young white man striding past. Now I’d seen him earlier in the morning. He was clearly strung out on something so there was no need to say anything in return. But as I returned to work I was startled that the words of a junkie, someone clearly in need of some help of some sort, could touch me so. Probably doesn’t help that I am currently immersed in historical research about the profiling and imprisonment of free Black seaman in the antebellum south.
Nor does it help that as Steve and I continue to make our way in this world that people continually, immediately, assume that I am either the paid home health aid or the overnight caregiver. And so then the onus is on me to calmly explain that I am his wife. The onus. I know of a lovely older Black woman in an interracial relationship and she shared that in the retirement community where they reside she always carries her resident card to prove she belongs there and is not “just” a visiting care giver.
We live in a time of unprecedented whitewashing where people in power are trying to normalize outright racism and bigotry and even more so foment deep and abiding ignorance about this nation’s past let alone its present. People are not questioning their assumptions. Race does matter regardless of what a super rich and powerful white minority are trying to assert.
Just some Sunday musings … best get back to my research so that that forgotten story can be shared soon.
Words + Images 
Dear Cynthia,
This is so horrendous. I am terribly sorry that you had to experience that and that this country not only has not evolved in the past decades but also is decaying in a manner that I never thought I would see, as an immigrant who has lived through military dictatorship in my own country of birth…
We must remain together and be strong.
I miss you and I appreciate having you via these powerful, inspiring and important blogs.
Good luck with your research and big hug to you and Steve.
Hope we can see each other one day soon.
i3C is in Medford so maybe we can meet at the space one day before the end on Nov 7.
Much love to you both,
Adriana
Sent from my iPhone
Cynth, words hold power. Please reconsider using the word “junkie”, as it is stigmatizing. He clearly has his own struggles, and as you know, people who feel oppressed oppress others.
Love you.
I hear you. Thanks!
The sinking feeling inside reading this. Floating back up because have to, to use anger to serve others’ dignity.
I am sorry that this happened to you. But, I’m thankful that you did not allow yourself to be drawn into a useless confrontation with an unstable person.
Holy crap. I am so sorry you experienced that (and that “the onus” is on you – ever, or on your friend) and that some a’hole, strung out or not, felt free to say such a sh**** thing to you (to anyone, I know, but I know you and it makes my blood boil).
That we are where we are again/still/in denial of with racism in this country is infuriating (insufficient understatement, I know). So many battles for decency and human rights to be waged on so many fronts.
Thank you for the reminder to always try to question my assumptions. I like to think I’m careful to do that, but I know that means far too often I probably just don’t even realize I’m making them.
Big hug and looking forward you sharing your project.
Thanks, Pam!
JUST (important) WORDS!