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Posts Tagged ‘Contributing Writer’

When I told Steve that the plant next to him was lavender eventually his right hand swept out in a languid fashion so that his fingers could sweep through the leaves. He then brought his fingers to his face to smell. It took just a little more time than before for thought to become action. I was able to wait in that space to see things evolve … I don’t always have that patience … but that particular day I did and so as I look out on the porch now and see the lavender swaying in the evening breeze it brings a smile to me. I did remind him that lavender is edible but that went in one ear and out the other.

Earlier today, as Steve sliced some mushrooms, I asked, “Has anyone ever called you stubborn?” He replied, “Yes.” I had invited him to cut some mushrooms for a creamy mushroom soup. I wanted to make life easier for him and said he only needed to cut the mushroom caps in half since I intended to use an immersion blender at the last stage but … for all the years I’ve known him as he’s cooked with mushrooms he slices them very thin. It has become rote. And so that it was he did today. It took time and effort and I was reminded of a statement from a young exercise buddy who said what he most admired about Steve was that he made the effort. He wouldn’t necessarily be successful but he made the effort and not everyone did that.

Since he’s returned home from most recent hospitalization … and it was a doozy … we’ve managed to binge watch all sorts of programming that other people may have already seen like, uhm, Poldark. I hope we make it to The Gilded Age. We watched the trailer for Dune 3 today and he said he wanted to see that which means we’ll have to rewatch Dune 1 and 2 and I don’t have a problem with that. I shared some things from my workplace about big upcoming events in 2027 and when asked would he like to see some of these events he said yes. Gives us plenty of time for planning. As much as any of us have control over time.

There are many sights I appreciate with Steve making it home once more to heal. Most involve him out of the bed sitting with family for lunch, playing chess with a friend, exercising even when it hurts, and bearing with me when I force, I mean invite, him to sit on the porch with me. I’ve learned to include incentives like mango lassi, chocolate ice cream and so forth. Still on soft foods for the present so I did have to rescue a chocolate bar from his grasp when he thought I wasn’t looking.

I am learning a lot on this journey with Steve. Though somehow I was recently called a legendary patient advocate … all I did was give voice to the fact to what is known that some folks heal better in home environment … I do remind myself that I am not perfect, I am not always patient and it is alright to ask for help. And its okay to treat myself which is why I splurged on a box of butter cookies yesterday. If we make it onto the porch later today I’ll nibble on them while Steve has some strawberry ice cream. Gotta put some healthy fat back on his bones.

As physical therapy ended yesterday, I stood next to Steve in his wheelchair to talk with the therapist. At some point the therapist began to smile. I looked down and saw that Steve was raising his arm to place about my waist. I started to help him and the therapist gently shook his head. Oh, right, I said. Good exercise! And I waited patiently for Steve to tighten his grip. And so it goes …

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I don’t think the wind and rain this morning really constitutes a storm, per se, but there is a ruggedness to the weather that makes me reminisce about a younger me who would relish dashing outside, however briefly, to experience a summer storm. Not so much now. I am wrapped in a thick sweater, sipping hot coffee, and tempted to slip back under the covers where a sleepy Steve still resides. I’ll wake him in a bit because he has a calvacade of people coming through today, friends, family, tai chi teachers and so on. Meanwhile I share a poem I wrote, way back when, all the way back in 2010, about the storms of my youth in Virginia.

Summer Storms

The food I’ve purchased and brought North with me. 

But the weather I could not carry in a cardboard box.

So when people ask  what I miss, that is what I tell them,

I miss most the southern summer storm.

You know the ones,

the ones with rolling thunder trailing white lightening in their wake.

Sheets of rain falling like milk from the sky. 

Such deafening noise and blinding light.

Children trembling as we peered past drawn curtains.

Unending it seemed but then poof! 

Like magic it would stop, leaving silence in the air. 

Darkness would part for the sun.  Birds sang.

All that remained of the storm would be puddles

and leaves strewn across the front porch.

We’d step outside into a golden light. 

God had scrubbed the world clean.

Just for us, you know, so that we could play. 

And play we did until the sun set

and the lightening bugs came out and danced with the stars. 

We would sit in the damp

winding down from another day well done. 

That is why I miss the summer storm.

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Steve has been through another health event and as we sat at the table at home tonight awaiting a friend to provide an assist to go to bed I remarked, “Oh my goodness gracious, next week I have to talk to students about art in religion with a focus on stained glass. What the Hades am I going to talk about?” He said nothing. Then I had a genuine revelation and I said, “Gosh darnit. I’m going to do what you do.” Then his eyebrows perked up as in, “What the Hades are you talking about?” And I said, “Remember years ago when I was fascinated with what happens when light shines through water and creates patterns and you taught me what was happening, caustics, and then there was a photo exhibit in a youth community center and I made you participate with one of your such photos and these two young children walked by and instead of you telling them what they were seeing you let them look and then asked them, What do you see?, and one boy said, I see the back of an alligator! And you said, Well, that’s very astute of you. And the boy said, What does astute mean? And the two of you wandered off to the cheese tray table as you explained how observant he was.” Steve smiled and said, “Yes.” And I said, “My dear, I believe it is in your spirit to be mentor. Do you agree?” He did agree. And as we sat there he helped me pull together my oh, so brief presentation. I read it back to him. Genuinely, I said, “Okay, this feels good. That’s not bad, is it?” And he said, “No, dear one. You’re good.” And please believe me if I was off track that person would tell me so. 🙂 Time does fly.

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They almost made me cry, these two young men. We were their last stop for the day to pick up junk. I knew from an earlier phone call that they had already had a very full day. But as one of them went through the company schpeil, he added, “And if there’s anything else you need our help with just let us know.”

I looked up at him, “Are you sure?”

“Uhm, yes, that’s why we’re here. To help.”

I nodded. “Okay, next to my husband’s side of the bed, there’s a pole he uses to help with transfers that relies on tension between the floor and ceiling. It became loose and fell. When you’re done can you two put it back up?”

Without skipping a bit, they nodded.

And that’s what they did.

As I led them up the stairs, I said, “You know, the older I get the more I am willing to accept help when the offer is made. And sometimes I don’t even wait for the offer before requesting it.”

They laughed.

After acknowledging their presence, Steve napped in the bed as they worked. One of them nodded sagely. “I used to work in elder care, ” he said. “This is just fine.”

The two of them went to work using language that is not part of my repertoire about tension and how to insert screwdrivers at the base and turn to tighten . . . and after noticing the apparent look on my face one of the fellows looked around and saw Steve’s in-door woodworking area.

He said, “Uhm, if it’s okay for me to go in there and find a screwdriver I can do it for you.” I went in and picked up a screwdriver. “Will this work?”

He nodded.

Yes, I gave them a tip and good review but mostly what they left me with was a lighter spirit. A genuine offer made and genuine follow through.

And as they left, I heard those usual soft words and so I shouted to the men as they made their way down the stairs, “Steve says thank you!”

And they replied, “You’re welcome, Steve!”

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A new restaurant has opened not far from where I work. I paused in my journey this morning to peer at the menu from afar. Words rang out. “Hey, Nigger. This is where people walk.” Startled I turned toward the voice to see a young white man striding past. Now I’d seen him earlier in the morning. He was clearly strung out on something so there was no need to say anything in return. But as I returned to work I was startled that the words of a junkie, someone clearly in need of some help of some sort, could touch me so. Probably doesn’t help that I am currently immersed in historical research about the profiling and imprisonment of free Black seaman in the antebellum south.

Nor does it help that as Steve and I continue to make our way in this world that people continually, immediately, assume that I am either the paid home health aid or the overnight caregiver. And so then the onus is on me to calmly explain that I am his wife. The onus. I know of a lovely older Black woman in an interracial relationship and she shared that in the retirement community where they reside she always carries her resident card to prove she belongs there and is not “just” a visiting care giver.

We live in a time of unprecedented whitewashing where people in power are trying to normalize outright racism and bigotry and even more so foment deep and abiding ignorance about this nation’s past let alone its present. People are not questioning their assumptions. Race does matter regardless of what a super rich and powerful white minority are trying to assert.

Just some Sunday musings … best get back to my research so that that forgotten story can be shared soon.

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When my father was reassigned to Vienna we had to say good-bye to all of our friends. We had a party with my school friends. I “planned” it but my Ayah did all the work. The Ayah took care of me and my sister and made sure we weren’t stolen. She tucked me in bed at night, and chased the animals out. She got me up each morning. She was dark of skin with long dark hair. She would get me out of trouble and keep me safe. If I broke something, like a nice glass or cup, she often took the blame for me. 

Hadi was the butler and oversaw the house and whole compound. He reported to my father. He was kind and gentle. One day I decided to cook a steak. I had to cook something. I was in the kitchen. I don’t remember why. He watched as I cooked the steak guiding me. When I thought it was done he said no but I didn’t listen. I insisted on eating it and it made me sick.

Let’s end with the Maharajah. My first impression of him was that he was fat. I mean he was a very big man to a small boy. My dad took me to work at the library that was located in Coorg. And that’s where I think I first saw him. He and my dad and I took a walk around his place. I wouldn’t call it a palace. Big compound is closer. The animals were loose in the compound. There was an elephant, gray, probably a male but I don’t know for sure. Probably a giraffe. He hunted. He shot a mother tiger and captured the cubs. There was a batch of those that I saw and played with. Four of them. They were very small. They would fit in my hands if I held them now. I think I told you they were white but they weren’t white solidly through. I don’t remember what year that was but I saw him more than once. I know he met with Queen Elizabeth in 1961 as she toured India. I remember seeing her driving in a convertible. I was looking down from the roof of the library. 

I can’t think of these times as unusual. It was simply my childhood. We moved on to Vienna for a few years. I joined the Boy Scouts, an international troop, and received an award for knot tying. I had weak ankles and a doctor their prescribed ice skating. My mother taught me some fancy ballroom dances and my father tried to teach me guitar. There I was introduced to sachertorte. It is still one of my favorite desserts. Like I said, simply my childhood.


Photo Sources:

Horne Family Album

https://archive.org/details/propix.275036712

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In Steve’s own words …

In Bangalore, I used to walk to the local Indian school, St. Anthony’s Boy’s School. Sometimes I took a rickshaw. The driver would be peddling on the street and I would wave him down. It was cheap and I had enough pocket money. I thought school was thorough and complete meaning subjects were covered thoroughly and completely without any gaps or holes. But when I went on to a British school in Bangalore I discovered there were holes in what I had been taught. It didn’t matter. I just loved learning and reading. Given that my father ran a library there were plenty of books at my disposal. My parents were open to me reading anything. There were no PTA (parent teacher association) meetings. No judgements. My father probably gave me the most books on all sorts of subjects. 

The dachshund would meet me when I walked home from school. My general routine after returning home was to put on outdoor clothes and go climb a tree. There were not so many other kids around. Sometimes a few. We lived on Richmond Road, a street with lots of bungalows. White people generally lived in these bungalows, mostly Brits. They worked for the state I guess maybe civil servants.

after first communion

My dad had a jeep as part of his job. On Sundays we would drive to mass at the Catholic church. I remember the building as spacious. Sometimes he would drive me to the library where he worked. That seemed spacious to me too. Everything seemed spacious to me back then. Even our bungalow.

I remember the bungalow had a veranda. I remember lots of plants on ours planted by the gardener and by my dad as well. My father liked to garden growing all kinds of plants edible and not. I remember everything from African violets to basil. 

In addition to the dachshund and siamese cat, he owned parakeets. About four or five blue parakeets in a green cage. He also kept fish in a standard fish bowl. They were just plain old fish not very interesting to me. He also kept two horses. He loved animals. He’d grown up on a farm in Nebraska. 

I fell from a mango tree and my dad looked at my arm and decided it was broken and took me to the doctor. I also fell while climbing a wall. A piece of the wall broke off in my hand and that’s how I fell. A stranger, an Indian man,  picked me up and took me up to the house. Broke my arm that time too catching myself with my hand and elbow beneath me. But aside from events like this I felt safe and happy in Bangalore.

I enjoyed the food. My first glass of water there I drank not realizing there were peppercorns in the glass. Overall the food was not spicy. We had a cook. He would make me fried chicken. When my father was entertaining he would take over the kitchen. He greatly enjoyed cooking. From him I learned how to make pesto. He was a good cook. 

My younger sister had been born in Italy. My mother had her hands full with me, a baby and my father and all our animals. She was very beautiful and always smelled nice. Like flowers.

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In Steve’s own words:

We were there from 1957 to 1962. My father worked as a librarian for the U.S. State Department. I was five years old when we arrived and I could still speak Italian from his previous post in Genoa, Italy. I had great pets in India. My father had a dachshund. A long skinny regular sized dachshund not a miniature. He also had a Siamese cat that he had brought from Italy. In addition I had a young mongoose. His name was Mongi. My father purchased him from a snake charmer. I most remember how he used to run up the sleeve of my shirt. I first saw him when the snake charmer came to visit our bungalow. He took him out of a bag and put him on the ground. He ran up to the snake and sniffed. The snake had come out of the bushes around our place. I think it was a cobra. The mongoose ignored the snake for a bit and sniffed all of the hands and feets he could find before returning to the snake. The snake charmer held a bag open and the mongoose ran back inside. The snake charmer picked up the snake very carefully and placed the snake in a different bag. The snake charmer, who probably saw my face filled with delight, made my father an offer. In exchange for a 5 rupee note, maybe about a $1, my father bought me the mongoose.

sitting on the steps of the bungalow book in hand

Over time I had more than one mongoose though only one at a time. The first Mongi got too used to people and got too close to someone cutting grass with a sickle and was killed. The snake charmers visited the house once a week and they always had a mongoose for sale. I remember my father reading Kipling’s Riki Tiki Tavi to me. In the end I think I had two or three mongoose before we left India for the U.S. before embarking for Austria. They were all killed by the sickle because the men wielding the sickle sat in the grass looking very inviting and the mongoose would get too close. The last Mongi I had to leave  behind because he was not allowed to enter the U.S. I felt like he was being unfairly blamed for killing chickens when he’d never killed a chicken in his life.

They are about as big as a gray squirrel. Our Siamese cat liked to carry them around in its mouth and treated them like kittens. The dachshund also liked to pick them up and carry them around by the waist. The trio got along fine even when a new Mongi appeared. They liked to sleep together and with me. When the Ayah put me to bed, she covered my bed with mosquito netting. The mongoose would wait and unstuff the net where it was tucked underneath the mattress and slip into bed with me. We kept him fed fairly well with leftovers from the table and bits of chicken. They could come and go as they pleased in and out of the house and into any bedroom. My mother thought me and my father were nuts but she bore with it. The family gardeners liked them because they killed the snakes that the gardeners chanced upon.

My mother had a harder time dealing with the goats. They weren’t pets. They were more of a nuisance. We kept a few in the compound. They were kept for their meat and had free range to wander wherever liked. I rarely messed with them because they would butt fiercely with their heads. Sometimes they wandered into the house. They’d walk right through the screen door by butting the screen out. They usually made their way to the couch and fell asleep. I think they thought they were people.

The most common animal I saw in India were monkeys. There were several mango trees in the compound. The monkeys infested the trees. Rheesus monkeys. They made a chittering sound. They ate the mangoes and also threw them to the ground. I liked to climb the mango trees to pick mangoes and just eat them fresh. I still like the taste of fresh mangoes.

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I can’t quite remember how Steve and I first met Jim and Lily his beagle. It was during the pandemic. Perhaps as we walked past his house and he was outside tinkering on his car. A seemingly forever project for him. A connection was made somehow and he came to our aid many a time unasked. There was a host of electrical work which made sense given that that was his profession. But then there were those other things like the time I texted him to ask if he might stop by the house to help Steve finish baking some bread. Jim was a strong fellow who could lift the heavy mixer and things that Steve could not do. And then there was the time I called Jim from the back of a taxi. Steve and I had just left the ER and I feared an exhausted Steve could not make it up the spiral staircase. In the end it took more than Jim to get Steve up the stairs but he was there, a companion, along on the journey. As he lost weight, I knew he was ill and then became still more ill. One day I did ask him, why are you helping Steve so much? He replied with that sparkle in his eyes, I’ve done a lot of things in this life that I need to account for by giving back. When I walked by his house months ago and saw people clearing things out I hoped that he was safe somewhere with family. I have recently thought about him often especially on recent Monday mornings as I look out the window at the curb, then sigh, and struggle to bundle up, take out the trash and/or recycling and then drag the dumpsters to the curb before the city trucks go by. When Jim was walking Lily on a Sunday evening he would often drag out the dumpsters. He not only looked out for Steve. I don’t know why I did it last night but I did. I looked him up and found what I was expecting to see some day. His obituary as written by his loving family. I am grateful to have made his acquaintance. https://www.dohertyfuneralservice.com/obituary/james-cafferky-jr

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DSCN0284

And so what I have I been up to besides photographing Spiderwort like crazy?

I’ve been enjoying delving into the past to research the people who may have worked and/or worshipped at Trinity Church in the City of Boston. You can check out recent Facebook posts here: https://www.facebook.com/TrinityBostonShop/

I’m having a lot of fun with instagram. I know I’m late to the game but I don’t mind: https://www.instagram.com/cynthiaestaples/

I’ve also been trying to be more disciplined about redefining for myself what exactly does it mean to be a part-time freelancer in today’s world. A number of places I would have done work for won’t be reopening for quite awhile and certainly not reopening in the same way as in the before Covid-times. AND even as I have the luxury to take time to ponder such a thing with a roof firmly over my head and the refrigerator full of food, I cannot help but weep at what’s happening across the U.S. right now. The saying comes to mind, this too shall pass, but pass into what?

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