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Posts Tagged ‘memories’

on the porch

Posted in Inspiration, Kitchen Inspirations, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2026| 4 Comments »

I’m actually having to wear a sweater as I sit on the porch this morning. It rained in the early hours though not enough based on the level of water in the birdbath. A gray day but still bright. A light that makes the white blooms luminous and the reds muted. Classical music wafts from the interior out here to me. As I look around I can see maybe one task for today out here, to properly plant the lemon verbena purchased this weekend.

The sorrel and sage I planted right away. Did a lot of deadheading this weekend and rearranging of chairs and small tables. Basically I reworked the accommodations that had been made for Steve’s wheelchair and long legs needing a significant turn radius to maneuver in and out of the house. So I made the sitting space tighter and more intimate and then clumped flowers, herbs and foliage for density. Then there’s some “white space” between the sitting area and the ramp. Nope haven’t removed the ramp yet. It’s actually convenient and it may prove useful if I need to roll some of the big pots into the house for overwintering.

The plants bordering the ramp are a bit chaotic if bright. Just playing around unprofessionally with color and height. I tend to buy what I can find in a moments notice, especially items on sale, and what I can ferry home by Uber or public transportation. I know that garden centers will deliver big pots/plants but I’m not ready for that investment. Maybe, for landscaping on the ground, in the spring. We’ll see.

So much of what evolved in this little garden space is a balance for my aesthetic desires and Steve’s strong interest in functionality and purpose. For instance he could appreciate the beauty of the strawflower and its biology … but they’re not edible and could a small tomato plant instead fit in that space? 🙂

We sure did have some interesting, ahem, conversations about edible flowers. You see, I bought several books on the subject. One day years ago I walked around the house and picked the petals of edible flowers, maybe a tulip and/or orchid. When Steve walked through the door, home for work, I just handed him the flowers and said, “Eat this.” He did and then raced for a sip of red wine (his go to medicinal when something tasted off) and then asked, “Why are you trying to kill me?” I held up the book. He threw up his arms. “Just because it’s edible doesn’t mean it tastes good!”

On this porch, our last one together, there are many culinary herbs. Of course, the basil, several pots, chives and oreganos, thymes, lavender and now the lemon verbena. I have to admit the chocolate mint is thriving and starting to smell better and better to me. There was a part of me soon after things happened where I considered just letting things go to seed and as things died I would simply clear the porch and not fill in … and then I could hear Steve’s voice. “Dear one, don’t be ridiculous.”

There is joy and well as tears in sitting on the porch whether quietly with a beverage or on the phone with friends as I juggle the phone and trying to put dirt in a pot. So far, so far, I have been able to make myself harvest something from the porch each evening for dinner. It is hard but can be fun to take a few moments to google how to use rosemary and oregano together and so on. When I shared with a friend at work about giving away the pinched basil because Steve was not here to make pesto, he said, “Understandable. And when you’re ready to make your own pesto, bring me some.” I agreed.

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and so it goes

Posted in Branches, Inspiration, tagged , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2026| 4 Comments »

The morning began with coffee on the porch and then a bit of sprucing out there. The tomato and pepper plants are done so I pulled them and then some deadheading of the marigolds and picking dead blossoms from the petunias so that they will continue to bloom. I need to figure out what a late summer/autumn porch will look like. Then back inside I went.

With a Mary Berry cooking series playing in the background I’ve been moving around the house continuing the clean up. I used Steve’s pocket knife to break down some boxes for recycling. We had amassed a huge number of pillows. I threw them on the bed planning to sort them and decide which ones to keep, etc. And in doing so I found a stack of lambs wool used to cushion Steve’s increasingly sensitive skin. Holding the wool made me a bit teary. Everything I touch evokes a memory. And what I hear. Mary Berry is in Marrakesh at the moment I think cooking flat bread. It could be hard to capture Steve’s attention but he really enjoyed watching the cooking shows. I think in part because he just loved to learn. An earlier Steve would have taken that flat bread recipe and added his own special twist.

The lambswool could not prevent him from eventually getting bed sores one of which became deep and then infected. Between bouts with cancer and strokes over the years it became increasingly difficult for him to fight infections of any sort. I think when people would look at his paperwork they’d be surprised by how much of a fighter he truly was until the very end. When I sit on the porch in the mornings next to an empty chair, I do miss him … and I am increasingly glad he is no longer suffering. I am thankful that he chose to stay with me for as long as he could and that he was home.

On the porch there is a dipladenia plant growing like mad. In the before times I would have asked Steve to make a trellis and tie it up so that the plant would grow upwards instead of outwards. He liked purposeful activities like that. But now is now and I’m going to make the trellis. I have some branches I collected that I need to trim using Steve’s saw and some twine and … I’ve got bandages galore in case something slips. But before I do any of that I am going to take a moment to purposefully and mindfully make myself a simple breakfast and then make my way to a favorite gardening store before it gets too hot and keep Steve in my heart and thoughts so that I don’t go crazy with the credit card. 🙂

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memories of summer storms

Posted in Inspiration, Nature Notes, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2026| 3 Comments »

I don’t think the wind and rain this morning really constitutes a storm, per se, but there is a ruggedness to the weather that makes me reminisce about a younger me who would relish dashing outside, however briefly, to experience a summer storm. Not so much now. I am wrapped in a thick sweater, sipping hot coffee, and tempted to slip back under the covers where a sleepy Steve still resides. I’ll wake him in a bit because he has a calvacade of people coming through today, friends, family, tai chi teachers and so on. Meanwhile I share a poem I wrote, way back when, all the way back in 2010, about the storms of my youth in Virginia.

Summer Storms

The food I’ve purchased and brought North with me. 

But the weather I could not carry in a cardboard box.

So when people ask  what I miss, that is what I tell them,

I miss most the southern summer storm.

You know the ones,

the ones with rolling thunder trailing white lightening in their wake.

Sheets of rain falling like milk from the sky. 

Such deafening noise and blinding light.

Children trembling as we peered past drawn curtains.

Unending it seemed but then poof! 

Like magic it would stop, leaving silence in the air. 

Darkness would part for the sun.  Birds sang.

All that remained of the storm would be puddles

and leaves strewn across the front porch.

We’d step outside into a golden light. 

God had scrubbed the world clean.

Just for us, you know, so that we could play. 

And play we did until the sun set

and the lightening bugs came out and danced with the stars. 

We would sit in the damp

winding down from another day well done. 

That is why I miss the summer storm.

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the stuff of dreams indeed

Posted in Inspiration, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2025| 4 Comments »

the stuff of dreams, the artwork of carol moses

The world unexpected lost a lovely soul this week, the artist Carol Moses. She was an inspiration to me and certainly nurtured my creativity. She will be sorely missed. I am grateful to have known her and to have had the opportunity to interview her years ago for this 2016 post.

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as a child in bangalore 2

Posted in Guest Contributor, Inspiration, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2025| 6 Comments »

In Steve’s own words …

In Bangalore, I used to walk to the local Indian school, St. Anthony’s Boy’s School. Sometimes I took a rickshaw. The driver would be peddling on the street and I would wave him down. It was cheap and I had enough pocket money. I thought school was thorough and complete meaning subjects were covered thoroughly and completely without any gaps or holes. But when I went on to a British school in Bangalore I discovered there were holes in what I had been taught. It didn’t matter. I just loved learning and reading. Given that my father ran a library there were plenty of books at my disposal. My parents were open to me reading anything. There were no PTA (parent teacher association) meetings. No judgements. My father probably gave me the most books on all sorts of subjects. 

The dachshund would meet me when I walked home from school. My general routine after returning home was to put on outdoor clothes and go climb a tree. There were not so many other kids around. Sometimes a few. We lived on Richmond Road, a street with lots of bungalows. White people generally lived in these bungalows, mostly Brits. They worked for the state I guess maybe civil servants.

after first communion

My dad had a jeep as part of his job. On Sundays we would drive to mass at the Catholic church. I remember the building as spacious. Sometimes he would drive me to the library where he worked. That seemed spacious to me too. Everything seemed spacious to me back then. Even our bungalow.

I remember the bungalow had a veranda. I remember lots of plants on ours planted by the gardener and by my dad as well. My father liked to garden growing all kinds of plants edible and not. I remember everything from African violets to basil. 

In addition to the dachshund and siamese cat, he owned parakeets. About four or five blue parakeets in a green cage. He also kept fish in a standard fish bowl. They were just plain old fish not very interesting to me. He also kept two horses. He loved animals. He’d grown up on a farm in Nebraska. 

I fell from a mango tree and my dad looked at my arm and decided it was broken and took me to the doctor. I also fell while climbing a wall. A piece of the wall broke off in my hand and that’s how I fell. A stranger, an Indian man,  picked me up and took me up to the house. Broke my arm that time too catching myself with my hand and elbow beneath me. But aside from events like this I felt safe and happy in Bangalore.

I enjoyed the food. My first glass of water there I drank not realizing there were peppercorns in the glass. Overall the food was not spicy. We had a cook. He would make me fried chicken. When my father was entertaining he would take over the kitchen. He greatly enjoyed cooking. From him I learned how to make pesto. He was a good cook. 

My younger sister had been born in Italy. My mother had her hands full with me, a baby and my father and all our animals. She was very beautiful and always smelled nice. Like flowers.

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like twilight

Posted in Inspiration, tagged , , , , , , on May 24, 2021| 1 Comment »

If I were to write about petunias I would be writing about my mother. She grew them in these narrow wooden raised beds my father made for her. It was easy for us to go out near dusk and pick the spent blooms. I think it was a pleasant activity for her. So each time I walk past this container and the others in the yard, I stoop to look for blossoms to pick and I think of her with a smile.

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beans

Posted in Inspiration, Kitchen Inspirations, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2020| Leave a Comment »

Pinto beans simmering in a pot with a ham hock and bay leaf. To my young mind, those beans seemed to cook all day. Then we ate it served over white rice. My father and I had sweet tooths. We spooned sugar on top of our beans and rice. It is the only dry bean I remember my mother cooking. I heard about red beans but she only cooked pinto (except, I forgot, for the black eyed peas you have to cook to ring in the New Year). I don’t remember if there was a particular day of the week for cooking beans and rice. For instance, pot roast, baked chicken, baked rice pudding, for example, they were Sunday foods, something special. I suspect beans were a weekday food because she could put the pot on the stove on a low flame and do all those other household tasks. Kale or collard greens might be served on the side. Probably mustard greens, too, but I didn’t like her mustard greens (another dish where my father would sprinkle some sugar). I remember the taste of kale seasoned with pork and spooning the potlikker that was left in the bottom of the pan. Once my younger brother was banished from the table for doing something rude and so I had the potlikker all to myself. That little hellion came up behind me and tossed in a handful of food scraps meant for Fuzzy, our dog. I was furious but I stilled loved him afterwards. That was in Virginia. Forty years later living in New England I’ve learned to play with my beans, making bean salads, mixing the colors and textures, sometimes getting so caught up in “painting” with the colors — red, white, black, green — that I lose sight of taste. But I have not done a thing with pinto beans. Until now. Why now? Because the Whole Foods shopper substituted a can of pinto beans for my requested can of white beans. The can is sitting on the kitchen counter. It makes me smile when I look at it. Soon I’ll open it. Served on the side will likely be kale cooked with olive oil and garlic. Brown rice most likely. No sugar anymore. Just good food and good memories to share.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2009/04/potlikker-from-slave-plantations-to-today/7129/

https://www.thespruceeats.com/your-black-eyed-pea-questions-answered-1640029

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rain rain rain …

Posted in Inspiration, Kitchen Inspirations, Nature Notes, tagged , , , , , , , on July 1, 2020| 3 Comments »

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tomatoes

… it should not go away because it keeps me away from my little garden and that lets the herbs and veggies do what they need to do which is simply grow. I do have to go out and snip this and that to encourage further growth, and thin this and that so that I don’t have plants competing too much, and I do have some more seedlings to plant, and some seeds came in the mail and I have to be strategic in what I do with them because I’ve got this plan, you see, to create a wall of vines, some that bloom in the morning, some that bloom during the day, and the ones that bloom at night. Whoa! I’m trying to balance gardening in support of birds and the bees while respecting that a certain person in the household who is digging my raised beds doesn’t mind beauty but he’s really into edibles, especially tomatoes and basil. But he does understand that my growing cardinal vines and borage (which is edible but he doesn’t like the cucumber flavor) will help get his tomatoes properly pollinated. In this wierdest of all years in my living memory, I’m not gardening for sustenance necessarily; I’m gardening for sanity. I know, growing up in Virginia, that my dad’s vegetable garden definitely put food on the table. I remember helping him plant seed potatoes, beans, squash, peppers, onions and he grew his tomatoes, too. He gardened to feed his family but I suspect he gardened to find peace as well.

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lemon basil

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spearmint, basil and marigold

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orange mint, marigold, curly parsley, flat leaf parsley, oregano and a wonderfully empty red pot waiting to be filled

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watermelon pickle

Posted in Inspiration, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2019| 4 Comments »

This is a ramble with no meaning except I felt a need to put fingers to the keyboard and share an experience from this day.  I’ve been saving watermelon rind trying to decide if I will try to make some watermelon pickles. Now, I have never eaten such a pickle in my life though when I was little I used to admire their beauty in big jars on store counters. As a child I ate plenty of the fruit itself. My oldest brother still reminisces about the big ones with the big black seeds. I think I remember watermelons so big I could sit on them. Those are hard to find. Small, round, seedless (and in my humble opinion oftentimes tasteless) has become the store norm. I’ve lost my taste for watermelon flesh though I’ve been buying watermelon slices of late. Not for me but for a certain person in my life who needs to drink more water but doesn’t and so I simply place saucers of sliced cold watermelon in front of him. Hydration is hydration.

But now I have these rinds … and I’m in a creative place in my life right now … and so I told him I might try my hand at pickles. And when this person heard my intentions, he remembered words from a poem. “Reflections on a gift of watermelon pickles,” he said. We looked it up, a poem by John Tobias.  As I began to read it out loud, Steve, who has a wicked memory for poetry, stopped me to say, “I don’t think I’ve ever actually read the poem. I just know those few words.” And so I finished reading the poem and he was silent and when I looked up I saw that he had been moved to tears.

I think my big brother who is near Steve’s age would cry too. Not so my 12-year old friend. Her response to reflections on a life lived would be quite different than people five decades older. This is a rambling post with no photographs because there is no photograph that can compare to the rich imagery embedded throughout the poem … except maybe one day I’ll come across one of those big ol’ watermelons and split it open and let the sun shine on the pink flesh, black seeds and white rind … and maybe that would be an appropriate pairing of image with the following words. We’ll see …

 

Reflections on a Gift of Watermelon Pickle Received from a Friend Called Felicity

During that summer
When unicorns were still possible;
When the purpose of knees
Was to be skinned;
When shiny horse chestnuts
(Hollowed out
Fitted with straws
Crammed with tobacco
Stolen from butts
In family ashtrays)
Were puffed in green lizard silence
While straddling thick branches
Far above and away
From the softening effects
Of civilization;

During that summer–
Which may never have been at all;
But which has become more real
Than the one that was–
Watermelons ruled.

Thick imperial slices
Melting frigidly on sun-parched tongues
Dribbling from chins;
Leaving the best part,
The black bullet seeds,
To be spit out in rapid fire
Against the wall
Against the wind
Against each other;

And when the ammunition was spent,
There was always another bite:
It was a summer of limitless bites,
Of hungers quickly felt
And quickly forgotten
With the next careless gorging.

The bites are fewer now.
Each one is savored lingeringly,
Swallowed reluctantly.

But in a jar put up by Felicity,
The summer which maybe never was
Has been captured and preserved.
And when we unscrew the lid
And slice off a piece
And let it linger on our tongue:
Unicorns become possible again.

by John Tobias

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gifts of the season

Posted in Inspiration, Kitchen Inspirations, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2015| 7 Comments »

A friend traveled to Turkey and returned with a gift, a hand-painted bowl. The bowl inspired me to change my tablecloth from paisley to red to accent the bowl and then the colors of the bowl inspired me to buy clementines. Cherries came to mind as well except I don’t really like cherries. This morning, with light filling the bowl, I was able to reach for the fruit. As I ate the fruit and the air filled with the scent of oranges, I thought of gifts. My aunt told stories of post-Depression Virginia where her Christmas present was an orange and peppermint candies. Of late I’ve been on the cusp of worrying about all the Christmas cards not mailed, the presents not bought but as I held the fruit in my hand I let go of a bit of the guilt.

I’ve received lots of gifts this late autumn edging into winter. A shell from a young man as I walked along Revere Beach. He saw me stopping to collect and inspect and occasionally photograph, and so he came over to me and held out a speciman and simply said, “This one is beautiful.” I agreed. He kept standing there, shell in hand.  “Is this for me?” I finally asked. He nodded. I took it. We separated and spoke no more.

A woman I’ve met on occasion, who can come across as rather brusque, she stopped to talk with me. As I helped her make a purchase, I admired a bracelet she wore. “It’s tiger agate,” she said, sliding it off of her wrist. I held it and then tried to give it back. She refused. “It is yours, “she snapped. “See? It does not match any of the other jewelry I wore. Clearly God made me wear this today for you. You are a tiger.” I must say, I’ve been called many things, but that may have been the first time I’ve been called a tiger.

Gifts come in many forms. I will treasure the bracelet but mostly because of the memory it will evoke. I will treasure the shell, and all the shells given.  And, of course, the bowl and the oranges and other fruits it will hold, and the memories that rise with their fragrance.

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