Words + Images

… mad at some things that had happened around me.  Things that were kind of like bits of straw raining down upon a camel’s back.  What I felt was certainly legit but I also felt myself getting angrier than I needed to be.  I wanted to redirect that anger. A long walk, my method of choice, was out of the option because of the cold.  Yet I was determined not to do what I remember my mom having penchant for doing which was to sit in a literal and figurative dark place.  I was not ready to talk about what was bothering me.  There were no words quite formed for me to write.  What do do, what to do.  I decided to follow the advice I sometimes give to others when they tell me that they are tired of talking or that they cannot write (“I don’t know how to write. You’re the writer!”).  What do I suggest?  Draw.  So, I sat down to draw.  Now I almost stopped myself.  Why? Because I can’t draw.  Yes, I’ve dabbled in this that and the other thing but really even with the help of a ruler, I can’t make a straight line!  Then I took a deep breath and decided not to worry about straight lines. Curves can be cool.

As for what to draw … now I’ve been having this ongoing conversation with one of my little postcard penpals.  He’s my four-year old nephew living down in Virginia.  I’ve been sending him pictures of birds and squirrels and such.  He’s tasked with drawing me a fish.  Or a school of fish.  Maybe a shark.  As I sat at my desk in the bright sunlight, I drew fish for him and for myself, bright colored, imperfect, smiling fish.  My anger did not disappear but it came into perspective.  I have not sent the fishy bookmarks to the little guy.  I want to give him time to draw his fish for me and for himself in whatever colors of the rainbow he decides.

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