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Posts Tagged ‘musings’

Today I saw three white butterflies tussling in the air.  It was an unexpected delight of a sight as I raced past an open window.  No camera did I have nor did I need.  It was better for me to just pause, and feel the breeze, as I watched such a beautiful dance.  Afterwards I sat with a piece of black paper and a white pencil and sketched them while mostly thinking of a young friend who is now 6 and about to turn 16 who recently asked, “what do you do with black paper?”  The butterflies were fine for me but not good enough to post.  But … I did recently take a walk with my camera and captured this little golden fellow resting on a green leaf.  So, after all those words, it is his image that I’ll share.  Enjoy, and may we all have a good week.

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… well, I do believe there would be a supporting cast of shadows. With that seed planted, I hope you enjoy the following photo essay now available at Creativity-Portal.comA Cast of Shadows.

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I’m not sure if it was a dandelion.  The wispy head was the size of a softball.  I’d never seen one so large before.  There were, in fact, three growing on the side of the hill.  I saw them as I raced to the train station.  Running late, I couldn’t photograph them at the time.  A few hours later, heading home, I saw that there was only this one remaining. The others had blown away.

This one’s placement on the hill was too high, and the plants around it too thorny, for me to get too close.  I zoomed in as best I could but I could not brush away the grasses growing in front of it. Later, I considered deleting the image — it was not what I had expected — but something stayed my hand long enough to see the beauty of what I had captured, and which existed no more except in memory.

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I wish I had the money to wipe away all of the debts of my family and friends.  Because if their debts were gone, would that make them happy?  Would financial freedom allow them to treat themselves better, as well as improve their treatment of the people in their lives?  No fancy behavior required, just respect, if not outright love and compassion.

Would it enable them to give the people in their lives a hug, on occasion, or at least a pat on the hand, and even sometimes to perform such actions without even being asked? Would it enable them to talk to each other and communicate in ways that work for all involved and not just one side? Perhaps conversations could take place without someone always having to be wrong so that someone can be right.

window8But I don’t have such funds to give and even if I did, I’m not sure that it would make a difference because in the end, I can control no one’s behavior except my own.  Maybe I should wish for the money so that I can travel around the world, to where all these friends and family members live, those that are suffering and in some form of pain. Perhaps I could pass out those hugs or those pats on the hand, so that certain people know that they are loved and that their presence does make a difference to the people around them and always has, even if words of gratitude are not often shared.

Of late I have received so many calls and notes from friends and family, all suffering in some way, but mostly feeling alone though they are surrounded by others.  I hear only their words, and know that there is always more than one side to any story.  I can make no judgements about those others in their lives.  I just wish that all were happy and each knew how precious each day was to have such people in their lives.  I can listen to the words and I can read the notes but I cannot change behavior.  But there is something I can do.
Each spring into summer, I buy seeds of all kinds, in packages large and small.  I send them out into the world to family and friends, of all ages, to help people pause and maybe even share a precious moment with others as they plant the seeds in the soil.  I send them to the closest of friends and family, and I send them to family and friends I know not very well at all.  I send them to the people who cannot speak to each other in hopes they can plant a seed together even if they do so in silence.  It is a selfish act — to know that I did something, gave something, to another.  I do not know what the seeds do for the recipients or even if the seeds are planted.  I simply hope they are.  I hope they are.

*the photographs are the latest series of photographs taken through the rippled glass, of life blurried but still beautiful

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Of late, I’ve met a man from a war-torn country who now lives and works in the U.S.  He has described to me scenes of great brutality inflicted by man upon man for reasons like this person looked like someone from that country versus this country.  He often has a smile on his face.

I am noted for seeing even an empty glass as half-full, but this man’s ability to find the positive puts me to shame.  Why is he so happy?  Not because he has a job that pays exceptionally well. He doesn’t.  Not because he’s made many new friends in this country.  He hasn’t.  I think it is because, even as the soil ran red with blood around him, he remained open to the possibilities.  He saw the beauty amidst the horror, like the flowers blossoming near that same bloody field.

He remained hopeful.  Or, as he once told me, he has love in his heart and so long as you have love, what else do you need? Hmmm.

One day I did chance upon him not smiling. I asked the first question that came to mind. “Do you still have love in your heart?”  He did not react with surprise to my words.  His brow furrowed in deep thought.  After a moment, he nodded, and then he smiled broadly.  “Yes, Cynthia.  Yes I do!”

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through two panes of old glass

rippled and bubbled

branches on display, barely lit by the setting sun

while reflected in the glass light from the lamp indoors

my camera in that moment out of focus

but my sight as I sat in a chair across the room

admiring such complex layers of light and life

quite clear quite clear

 

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Here I am in 1996 standing by a creek in Missoula, Montana.  At the time I worked with a Boston-based nonprofit conducting sustainability-themed workshops for universities.  For a number of years, I was able to travel around the country interacting with people of all ages and cultures.  I was able to view landscapes like this that I’d read about but wasn’t sure I’d ever see in person.  Few photographs did I take but I loved to tell stories of the places I’d visited with family and friends, in letters and by phone.  In 2014, I hope to do more writing and storytelling about people and places and be more strategic with my photography.  Meanwhile, as the year wraps up, here is a link to one of the most moving sets of images on the web —  The New York Times 2013 Year in Pictures — and a page of wonderfully orchestrated New York Times Op-Docs.

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And so the morning began with sounds.  Laying in bed listening to snow slide from the roof.  Over breakfast listening to Steve tell stories of his night.  My brothers’ voices, one via voice mail, him singing a made up song about getting up and getting started with a cup of coffee.  His words inspired me to pour some beans into a white cup and photograph a single image and hope it came out well.

I continued to take random shots about the kitchen, of lemons in bowls and of rosemary.  I don’t think I’m supposed to let indoor herbs bloom but I couldn’t help myself. No sounds there, just lovely periwinkle silence.

During the midst of all this, something happened.  Nothing serious but one of those incidents that can color a day, darken it … if you allow.  I told myself to let the incident go.  To help me do so, I pulled from my bag a list of desired tasks.  One of them was to look up composer Peteris Vasks.  I’d only learned of him yesterday at an organ recital.  The organist had played one of his pieces, Te Deum.  During my research I came across this piece, Dona Nobis Pacem.

A beautiful, calming piece.

As it played on repeat in the background, I wandered around taking other photos, indoors of items on tables

and through windows of ice melting beautifully.

What that music inspired exactly I can’t say.  It did encourage me, remind me even, to be present, to appreciate the beauty before me that I could see, that I could hear, and that I could imagine.  We all need reminders on occasion. 😉

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As I work with this image of a leaf

for this post to share with you

I find myself singing these words

with great zest and sincerity

and yes I sound pretty good (or maybe not)

but since I cannot read or write

 a musical note of any kind

the rhythms of this song will be lost to time

but this image of the leaf

in its fine autumn dress

will hopefully brighten your day for quite a while.

 

* The title refers to a guest post I have asked my younger brother, who does have an ear for music, to write about music and nature based on his life experiences down in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  It is a treat I hope to share before the end of the year. Stay tuned. Get it? Tuned … Have a good day, folks.  😉

 

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It has been a hard month, a hard summer, a hard year, for so many family and friends.  I read their words and hear their voices, and all I have been able to do, in the end, is absorb and listen.   On occasion I have been able to touch, to hug, and to encourage others to take such action.  Sometimes I have offered words of advice but I am beginning to think that, for the most part, those words of advice could be a song or poem or a passage from a book.  The words from my mouth are not so important as is my literal or figurative presence.  I am lucky to have them in my lives as well.

Despite the title of this post, I do not feel at the center of it all, whatever “it” may be.  As a writer, photographer, storyteller, I feel on the periphery, observing the chaos of life from odd angles that reveal ambiguities, sadness, horror, pain but almost always, great beauty, too.  When I talk with the friends and family who are struggling I find myself wishing … and then I stop myself.  I cannot live other peoples’ lives, but I can and often do ask them, “Without ignoring all that’s going wrong, what is going right? What’s one thing making you happy?”  One lovely friend will have a tendency to say, “Well, at least my cat is not dead … yet.”  And I’ll say, “Exactly!” 😉

These are the rambling thoughts that come to mind this Sunday morning as I hold close in my heart those who may be feeling a bit alone or vulnerable or just unsure of next steps.  I certainly feel that way about some things too.  And with that said, what is one thing making me happy at this moment?  It is the morning sun falling upon this apple creating a little apple universe.  At least I see the stars.

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